Thursday, March 25, 2004
Yesterday's interview sucked big hairy wankers. This Russian beea was everything I could want in an Evil Ice Queen and more. So, I ran home and pouted until my friend Kate called me and recommended a cocktail on the patio bar at a hotel down the road. I agreed. I pulled myself together, slipped into an oh-so-Carrie outfit and cruised on down to the Le Meridien Mina Seyahi for mojitos and smokes. The Man called to check on my post-Russian Bitch status for the 10th time and tried to make a joke saying he'd had a word with Miss Machajkiovaka and they'd come around, offered me the job, but for half the salary I required. What a joker. He instructed me to stay put, keep drinking and he'd join us shortly.
posted by KKT at 5:01 PM
The Man did join us shortly and the three of us had a great time racking up an Dhs. 801 only tab. Whew. So I wake up this morning not only feeling as if my head were going to explode off my shoulders but every single muscle in my body was now screaming, "Why Tae Kwon Do? Whyyy???"
I hauled myself into K9, sipped Nescafe, and attempted to cheerfully answer phones. Chi Chi was adopted and Gilbert was treated for ticks. A gold star day at the kennels.
Monday, March 22, 2004
I am going through the most difficult and most wonderful time in my life so far. Being with The Man makes every day whole for me, but he is left filling in holes that tore open when I left Houston. We are so far away and all we have is each other (which, when I think about it, is all any of us have no matter where we are). We almost feel like an experimental marriage. As if the Gods have thrown every wrench in the box into our little lives just to see if we would survive: man and woman meet, have a lot of fun, fall in love, man moves away, woman cries for days, man is miserable, woman goes to man, they marry, and they are a zillion miles away with no Mexican food in sight.
posted by KKT at 9:32 AM
This is not how I thought my life would be at (ahemm!) almost 30. Living in the Middle East away from all my friends and having the first years of my marriage shadowed by settling into a foreign community is not my dream situation, but I love him. He is not someone I am willing to be without. We have some difficult days, probably more than most newlyweds because we have so many outside pressures. We don’t have any “real” friends here. Sometimes I question if what I did was right. Should I have put my foot down and said, "No, you come back here and let's live a 'normal' life!" I have no one here to share my feelings with, no one here to ask if what I am feeling is normal, and no one here to share our joy with. I thought my husband and I would be having parties with our friends, going to the Houston Rodeo, football and baseball games, spending weekends fixing up my grandmother’s place in Shiner, and going to Victoria to have brunch with my mom for a few hours before she started grinding on my nerves. Instead, we’re having practical strangers over for dinner attempting to make new friends by bribing them with grilled steak and real margaritas, golfing, getting cars stuck in the sand, watching camel races, taking our desert dogs to the vet, fighting and making up, cussing Showtime television, and planning work/play trips to Paris.
It sounds like a trade off, doesn't it? Like someone played a cruel trick on me. "OK, you can have a wonderful marriage and the opportunity to see amazing things, but you have to do it in an exotic, far away place." We can't have everything, honey. The more I re-read this for typos, the more I actually SEE it. I waited and prayed and waited so long, wondering if I would ever find a man that I trusted and that fit me. A man that gave me that feeling. You know the one. The one you can't explain to anyone. It's almost like that perfect color between green, blue, purple, and magic. You just can't put a name one it. I really began to doubt my heart would ever be painted that color. My mother thought she found her match, but after six years of marriage, it was over and she never bothered with it again. I guess I thought I would avoid all that pain and just stay single forever. But it did happen and I had the courage to go with it. I chose to take a leap of faith, jump blindly into a feeling, and say a quick prayer that my instinct would be right. My trust in him was something I was not going to analyze until I forced it to fall apart just so I could stay in my safety net.
I'm not going to question my choices simply because other people do not understand. They don't have to. If I were on the outside looking in, I wouldn't think it made any sense either. We have each other, the opportunity to have some great experiences, make some wonderful friends, and this is just the beginning of what I am sure will be a long, exciting ride with my best friend, my husband, The Man.
I am going to take the advice of an old friend: When Life Gives You Lemons, Add Vodka. Actually, this life I've been given isn't all bad, it's pretty damn posh. Maybe I'm the one being the lemon.